It's complicated

Let me preface this with a disclaimer. While the military has many, many flaws, my issues come more from a completely bad fit. I should not have joined the Army.

I didn't discover just how much of a hexagonal peg I was trying to bash into a square hole until I started yoga, actually. I think those moments of peace in the dance studio at Alverno College were the very first moments of healing.

I started exhibiting symptoms of what would later be diagnosed as psoriatic arthritis when I was 22 years old. This was helpfully complicated by sciatica. I had a lot different interpretation of the pain scale back then. I think every day I had with that pinched sciatic nerve was a 10 on the pain scale for me. With the military mentality that "pain is weakness leaving the body," I'm pretty sure everybody thought I was just malingering.

My yoga teacher called that out for the bullshit it was.

When something hurt, she approached it from a different angle. The Half-Moon pose was a particular challenge. Even the yoga blocks caused me pain. So she put me on a chair. And over the course of several weeks, I worked my way down to the full pose. I was much slower than some other students, but with my teacher's patience, I made it.

I didn't feel a lot of patience when I was in the Army. This is likely a combination of the medications I was on at the time and Army culture in general. I developed a very unhealthy relationship with food, which in all honestly was brewing throughout my entire life.

So really, the Army was just the trigger for a whole lot of issues just waiting to crop up.

At this point I would like to extend a heartfelt apology for the people who had to deal with me over the last 12 years. I know I was not an easy person to deal with on any level. I can only say I was doing the best I could, and hope I've grown from those experiences. You've shaped the person I am today, and I thank you.